Why seeking therapy when moving down donor conception isn’t about you!

Therapy session graphic

When you’re so focused on yourself, it’s good to seek out a fertility counsellor.  They’ll be quick to let you know, it’s not all about you!

That’s right you’re not seeing them because you got issues, but yes of course you have, you’re going there to be told that your future child will have them if you don’t make the right moves from the get-go!

Whether you refer to them as counsellor or therapist, they use a range of tools and techniques to assist us in reaching our own resolutions.  They’ll also assist us in developing strategies to address and remedy our concerns.  

They offer much insight and open you up to a broader perspective in the donor world.  Concerns you may not know you should have, yet!

Haven’t been to a therapist before?  Well, when you’re making a human then it’s possibly one of the best times to jump on it especially when you are seeking to do it in a way that’s considered unconventional at this juncture in time.   While you think you’ve got your head around this, it’s likely there are some considerations that you have not yet thought of.  And that is to be expected.  When you’re completely consumed with “I want a baby” desires or perhaps more flippantly believe “giving sperm is just like giving blood”, you’re not necessarily deeply aware of the little matters that may pop up or the longer term ramifications of your actions, thoughts, desires you have today. 

Counselling was mandatory for me when I was pursuing IUI’s through the fertility clinic and it really did allow me to get outside my head about what solo parenting looked like for me once a baby made its way into the world.  I think we think we know, but it’s not until it’s a conversation beyond the one you have with your other internal voice that you gain a much larger perspective.  The potential issues and concerns that were discussed in my counselling sesh were not exclusively tied to the outcome of using an anonymous donor either.  

One consideration that I didn’t think about at the time when I queried using a friend to be the donor was the implications it would bring to his parents.  As he had no children of his own, it meant as a donor his mother and father would not be regarded as the child’s grandparents.  Therefore, the contact they would possibly desire could be quite hurtful and heartbreaking for them.  

It can also be difficult when there is already a friendship or emotional connection in place with a known donor.  Your relations with that person may implicate you or your little one down the track especially if you want to add another monkey to your zoo.

There’s a good chance that once the donor meets the child he will have some kind of bond to the child because he already has one with you. 

A case that often gets referred to is the Masson versus Parsons case and it’s the perfect example of why understanding what you’re going down this donor route truly means.

In this case, the donor was not just a donor.  He was a close friend to two women.  Together they created a child.  Once that child was born he was no longer a donor.  He was and is the father of their child.

You can read all about it HERE



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